The Emotion of Emotions

One of the interesting paradoxes of life is emotions and detachment. Humans are very complex and what makes them interesting is the varied emotions that they exhibit. Life would be incomplete without feeling the highs and lows of love, without spending some sleepless nights in anxiety, crying over unmet expectations, living and reliving dreams, turning green with jealousy, carrying an attitude for no reason and the list is endless.

However, apart from making our lives colorful, emotions also end up making us attached to things and people and this attachment brings with it pain and sorrow. It clouds reason and gives us that unique quality of being unreasonable, bringing excitement and unpredictability to our lives. There are times when this unreasonableness encourages us to denounce the various colors of life and take the spiritual path of detachment. We try to reduce the effects of emotions on our lives, try to be reasonable, objective and logical and not get too carried away by what our heart says or feels.

This is where I feel the paradox steps in. By being so “detached”, we reduce our pain caused by various emotions, but in turn hurt a lot of people around us, especially the ones who are closest to us. The pain and hurt just gets transferred. It’s like energy which can be only transferred not destroyed.

This is where we have to take a decision. The decision of walking the road with someone or standing alone at the fag end of it.

Don’t Lose Yourself

There are days that will pull you towards the grey

When one is truly stuck between contrasting views and emotions

When one is forced to take a stand which one would love not to

When one knows that both the parties are right yet one will end up on the losing side

When one knows that the decision will hurt one's near ones the most

It’s days like these that I fear that I’ll lose myself. It’s days like these that it’s important that whatever I do is in the larger good, keeping in mind the fact that all can’t win. It’s days like these when I must ensure not to get my vision clouded. It’s days like these when I must believe in myself and stick to my core

At the end of the day if I can look at myself in the mirror, then I’m sure I’ve not lost myself.

To stick or Not

It’s interesting to see the reaction of people when they are at the wrong side of the stick. The point of leniency, understanding and accommodation creeps in without them following the same principles. Such deviations can be made in societies that value self discipline. Self discipline in society is a higher stage of evolution which is developed over a period of time. Some are far ahead and some are far behind in this race.

Self discipline also comes from habit because that is the only way of functioning one is exposed to. It begins with a stick at times and gets ingrained in the system gradually. Take Singapore for an example. There is a severe punishment for littering, breaking traffic rules etc. there. It’s a stick method. However, gradually it will become the way of living there and the need for such stringent measures would not be required then.

There’s a lot of debate of the measures that Sanjay Gandhi took during the Emergency. He also followed the stick method. However, the objectives for which he was doing it were the need of the hour for a society as a whole. Many people would not agree with it but a benevolent dictator is better than any system of democracy, the only issue being that dictators are not benevolent. Maybe India could wish for one.

Just a Thought: Eight

Between the 2 point of views lies the road less traveled.

Who will be brave enough to tread it is the question.

Be with Yourself

Be with yourself. Yes, I’m not mad and I’m not talking about some utopian concept. I’m simply suggesting that we should be comfortable with our own company. With the changing lifestyle - the glitter of malls, noise & smoke of pubs, multiplexes, we are increasing spending less time to sit down and think where we are heading and even lesser time with ourselves.

If left alone in a room for an evening without television, internet and a mobile away from city, most of us would go mad or think what the hell are we doing here. The loneliness would start killing us. The idea of sitting down and appreciating the silence and calm seems maddening. Most of us would think – “I’m not an oldie to be appreciating all this. I’m still young and energetic”.

Well I’d just say that you are afraid of yourself. You are uncomfortable in your own company. There’s no harm in slowing down at times and spending time with yourself. It’s not that bad. The need to be somewhere else, somewhere more lively or noisy or glitzy is just a way of running away from your thoughts and inner voice. It’s postponing reality for a little more time, but mind you it’s just postponing and not erasing or cancelling it.

I’ll end by quoting Elizabeth Gilbert who has beautifully captured this feeling in a few lines:

“Learn the way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” – Eat Pray Love

A cricketing adventure

It was the month of March and the Inter House Cricket matches were in full swing. Amar, who was in standard XII and the captain of his house cricket team (Green House) was keen to get the cup home this year. Amar joined the Indian Public School, which is an all boys boarding school in class 1 when he was just 6 years old. In the 11 years of his stay he had achieved what every student would want to and was now a School Prefect. His closest set of friends was from the Prefect body. Just when Amar thought that life could not get better for him, the saga of the cricket inter house began.

Green House had won 2 of the 3 league matches and was already through to the finals. The last league match was between Green House and Red House (considered the weakest team for the season). This league match gained immense importance because the fate of 2 teams rested on it. If Red House won the match, they would play the finals against the Green House. However if they lost then Yellow House (the favorites for the tournament) would be the second finalist.

Now, Amar was in a position to choose his opponent for the finals and was obviously keen on playing the Red House. At this point the only thing that mattered to him was winning the cup and all other things like “spirit of the game” or sportsmanship seemed secondary. Amar decided to loose the last league match on purpose, knowing little that this decision would prove to be his nemesis.

All was well in the evening but trouble started to brew till dinner. Ajay, captain of the Red House cricket team felt insulted that his team made it to the finals on the mercy of someone and Vinay, captain of the Yellow Team simply felt cheated. Both of them were very good friends of Amar but at this stage temper clouded all reason. They began to create negative sentiment about Amar and his act and by dinner all the houses (Yellow, Blue and Red) were against the Green House.

They were jeered by the rest of the school while standing outside the mess, waiting for the dinner to be laid. But the worst brunt was faced by Amar. On the Prefect’s table where he used to have dinner, his friends refused to pass him the food. They passed comments like cheater, match fixer etc. and made him feel like he had committed a murder.

Angry by the reaction that his decision got, Amar took another radical decision. He decided that he would not play the finals and claimed that his team would win the trophy without him. This decision shocked his team members but he convinced them that at this stage with so much negative sentiment against them, this was the best thing to do. The members of the Green team stood by their captain’s decision and were even more motivated to get the cup home.

On the day of the finals, only a small faction of the school could be seen supporting the Green House. Green House won the toss and elected to bat first as that was their strength. They got off to a good start with the scoreboard reading 50/0 in 10 overs. However, Red House struck some unexpected blows and the final score line read a modest 107/8 in 20 overs.

This was a modest total, which the Red House could easily achieve. During the innings break, Amar went to the pavilion and gave a motivational speech to the team, urging them to give it their all. Every run scored by the Red House was cheered and every wicket taken by the Green House was jeered. Despite the hostility and their captain not playing the players were determined and keen to get the cup home.

Some disciplined bowling, a couple of good catches and some stupid shot selection by the batsmen of the Red Team poised the match evenly at the half way stage. The score line read 65/5 in 10 overs. The match could go anyway and everyone watched with bated breath. The last recognized pair of batsmen were batting and another wicket would expose the tail.

The excitement continued till the last over when the score read 104/8 in 19 overs. The tail was batting with 4 runs needed of the last over and 2 wickets in hand. The first 2 balls went for 1 run. The third one was a wicket. 3 runs of 3 balls with 1 wicket in hand. The fourth ball was a dot and the batsman hit the fifth ball in the covers and immediately ran. They wanted to take 2 runs but a brilliant fielding effort resulted in a run out. Green House won the finals by 1 run. Amar and the rest of the Green House students rushed into the field to hug the heroes of the day. The rest of the school was stunned into silence.

The hostility against Amar and Green House continued for a week or so but then everyone forgot about it and moved on. Things began to normalize and Amar and his friends were back to their normal ways. Amar felt that poetic justice was done.

However, on introspection Amar learned 2 of the most important lessons of his life. Lesson No 1: Though it’s important to be ambitious and aim at higher goals, but the means through which those goals are also important. The seemingly right decisions catch up with you some time or the other if the motives are not right

Lesson No 2: When pushed to the wall, don’t back out. Take a stand and fight back.

Just a Thought: Seven

You reminiscence about old times

Smile to yourself about the silly things you did

Become nostalgic

Wish time could be turned back

Remember long forgotten friends

And then come back to reality and carry on