Notes to Myself

"My power is in my willingness to be conscious
to be seen
to be emphatically myself.
I may lose a job, a friend, or my reputation
But I lose everything I am when I fail to act from what is at the core of me"

- Hugh Prather

Just a Thought: Nine

A benevolent dictator is nothing but a figment of my imagination.

The Emotion of Emotions

One of the interesting paradoxes of life is emotions and detachment. Humans are very complex and what makes them interesting is the varied emotions that they exhibit. Life would be incomplete without feeling the highs and lows of love, without spending some sleepless nights in anxiety, crying over unmet expectations, living and reliving dreams, turning green with jealousy, carrying an attitude for no reason and the list is endless.

However, apart from making our lives colorful, emotions also end up making us attached to things and people and this attachment brings with it pain and sorrow. It clouds reason and gives us that unique quality of being unreasonable, bringing excitement and unpredictability to our lives. There are times when this unreasonableness encourages us to denounce the various colors of life and take the spiritual path of detachment. We try to reduce the effects of emotions on our lives, try to be reasonable, objective and logical and not get too carried away by what our heart says or feels.

This is where I feel the paradox steps in. By being so “detached”, we reduce our pain caused by various emotions, but in turn hurt a lot of people around us, especially the ones who are closest to us. The pain and hurt just gets transferred. It’s like energy which can be only transferred not destroyed.

This is where we have to take a decision. The decision of walking the road with someone or standing alone at the fag end of it.

Don’t Lose Yourself

There are days that will pull you towards the grey

When one is truly stuck between contrasting views and emotions

When one is forced to take a stand which one would love not to

When one knows that both the parties are right yet one will end up on the losing side

When one knows that the decision will hurt one's near ones the most

It’s days like these that I fear that I’ll lose myself. It’s days like these that it’s important that whatever I do is in the larger good, keeping in mind the fact that all can’t win. It’s days like these when I must ensure not to get my vision clouded. It’s days like these when I must believe in myself and stick to my core

At the end of the day if I can look at myself in the mirror, then I’m sure I’ve not lost myself.

To stick or Not

It’s interesting to see the reaction of people when they are at the wrong side of the stick. The point of leniency, understanding and accommodation creeps in without them following the same principles. Such deviations can be made in societies that value self discipline. Self discipline in society is a higher stage of evolution which is developed over a period of time. Some are far ahead and some are far behind in this race.

Self discipline also comes from habit because that is the only way of functioning one is exposed to. It begins with a stick at times and gets ingrained in the system gradually. Take Singapore for an example. There is a severe punishment for littering, breaking traffic rules etc. there. It’s a stick method. However, gradually it will become the way of living there and the need for such stringent measures would not be required then.

There’s a lot of debate of the measures that Sanjay Gandhi took during the Emergency. He also followed the stick method. However, the objectives for which he was doing it were the need of the hour for a society as a whole. Many people would not agree with it but a benevolent dictator is better than any system of democracy, the only issue being that dictators are not benevolent. Maybe India could wish for one.

Just a Thought: Eight

Between the 2 point of views lies the road less traveled.

Who will be brave enough to tread it is the question.

Be with Yourself

Be with yourself. Yes, I’m not mad and I’m not talking about some utopian concept. I’m simply suggesting that we should be comfortable with our own company. With the changing lifestyle - the glitter of malls, noise & smoke of pubs, multiplexes, we are increasing spending less time to sit down and think where we are heading and even lesser time with ourselves.

If left alone in a room for an evening without television, internet and a mobile away from city, most of us would go mad or think what the hell are we doing here. The loneliness would start killing us. The idea of sitting down and appreciating the silence and calm seems maddening. Most of us would think – “I’m not an oldie to be appreciating all this. I’m still young and energetic”.

Well I’d just say that you are afraid of yourself. You are uncomfortable in your own company. There’s no harm in slowing down at times and spending time with yourself. It’s not that bad. The need to be somewhere else, somewhere more lively or noisy or glitzy is just a way of running away from your thoughts and inner voice. It’s postponing reality for a little more time, but mind you it’s just postponing and not erasing or cancelling it.

I’ll end by quoting Elizabeth Gilbert who has beautifully captured this feeling in a few lines:

“Learn the way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” – Eat Pray Love